The Sun and Moon, a Poem comparison with AI.

Look forward while holdin the past.

Early one morning I found myself listening away to some music just getting myself ready for the day when suddenly I found myself looking to make some free-form poems. No particular reason, just some music got me in the grove and mood. I made myself 2 little quick poetic bits and been years since doing that kind of writing, I found editing and getting fresh ideas quite the challenge. What could I do in this scenario? There is no editor’s insight or available minds to take ideas with. Well, I gave ChatGPT a look over, and see what it might produce. It was able to identify the surface message of my poems, tell me it was free flow, and any repeating elements. It answered some questions about making it a bit more rhythmic, but then spurred my creative thoughts. It went way out of proportion and drastically expanded the line count. I also brought what it had produced to a friend I saw go online later that morning. He pointed out (as well as see below) a mapping and connection to a small collection of words, including but not limited to “It likes hands and understanding” being the words “hands” and “understanding”. Below is an outline and contrast of my production and the “AI-uplifted” assembled version. (Note: as of this writing some recent changes in ChatGPT 4 may be having less desirable results to some users with adjustments to model efficiency)

The sun is out kid.

The rain parts in full.
The sky is clear.
It’s outside you must go.
I know it’s hard to move but you must.
Don’t fall from the sky, keep the wings up high, and watch yourself carefully.
Rise, rise up and make sure the day is taken.
Rise, rise up and make it whole.
Don’t let the gravity hold you, keep you, shape you.
And of course, make sure you have a smile on your face.
For the day gets long, the time gets short.
For the future holds, challenge, and you are responsible for taking it on.
It must go unforgotten.
For the sun is out, and life is clear.
And if you fall, I will be there.


I have as my motif, a forward and back-looking perspective between the writings. In this journey, the sun is more than a limit; it symbolizes a forward-facing attribute. It signifies the essential role of a parent, guardian, or mentor in encouraging the young generation to face the world while staying aware and grounded.
The verses open with ‘the rain parting,’ illustrating that sometimes, certain events are beyond our control, akin to natural phenomena. We might hide and button down the hatches during a storm, but keeping those shut after the storm has parted is no longer a place to be.
The following line, ‘now the sky is clear,’ suggests that we must step out of our comfort zones when the storm subsides.
The urgency of moving forward is underscored in ‘Outside you must go.’ We have to seize life in all its glory, as the next storm could be just around the corner.
‘It is hard to move, but you must,’ strikes a chord with the issues we face in 2023. The line acknowledges that life’s challenges can be complex and daunting, yet it affirms the need to persevere. Not trying, it warns, is the greatest failure a great internal evil.
With the line ‘Don’t fall from the sky, keep the wings up high,’ the verses call to mind the story of Icarus. In our modern, interconnected world, we can inspire each other to reach great heights, while avoiding the pitfall of over-ambition. Reflect on your actions, and grow.
‘Don’t let gravity hold you…’ uses gravity as a metaphor for external and internal struggles, the turmoil we can experience. We will dive deeper into this concept as we move forward.
I’ll leave this breakdown here and continue with my contrasting.

See that moon (to be) in your hands.

See that moon (to be) in your hands.
I hold a moon, a keep of the forgotten.
I hold a moon; it will hold my past too.
I hold a moon; would you like to hold it too?
I hold a moon; we can hold too.
We hold this moon, and it is heavy.
We hold this moon, please take it forward.
I see you hold a moon; may it go with you.
You hold a moon, delicate and old, older than me, older than you.
You hold a moon, it is behind you, and you drag it along, to keep passing it along.
I held a moon, and gladly, I see you hold it too.


Given this breakdown to be shorter and more simplified. Where the sun is forward facing and represents the day, the present, and the future. The moon represents the night, knowledge, and the past. The advantage of taking on the past, its wisdom, and lessons; a man can improve simply by learning what is possible and what is not by those that have tried it before. The example of the moon can also be both a set of all of human history, while being a medallion of family history.

What the Machine Makes

I asked this (fairly fresh) GPT conversation to make my poem more rhythmic in nature. Lets take a look at the first example.

Awake, for the sun is out, my child,
The rain parts, the sky clears, the day unwinds.
It’s time to step outside, into the wild,
Though it’s hard to move, yet we must, no binds.

Don’t falter, don’t fall from the azure sky,
Keep your wings held high, don’t let them sigh.
Rise, rise up, seize the day, let out a battle cry,
Rise, rise up, make it, with the courage to fly.

Don’t let gravity hold you, shape you, stake its claim,
Break free, resist, don’t let it tame.
And of course, wear a smile, make it your fame,
For the day is long, and time plays its game.

The future holds challenges, mysteries untold,
Yet, you are the one to take it on, be bold.
Let it not go forgotten, let the story unfold,
For the sun is out, and life is clear, behold!


Well, I’ll keep my opinion short, it’s ok. I’m looking at it on a few fronts. To claim that the text transformer tends to elevate the word count would be an understatement. Though it was called for in the requirements of my prompt, I could see it also adding in more than the original had intended. On the surface, I, currently, wouldn’t like to use terms or phrases such as “my child” or “battle cry”. Regarding the “battle cry”, I wouldn’t use this for a few reasons. In my original, I wanted to come across a feeling of mindfulness, focus, and attentive nature. Not fitting as well “battle cry” diverges from the original intent, a corrective measure. To replace “battle cry” with a phrase or term more akin to “mantra” or a similar motivator to warp around, would idealize the nature of ideals and aim for something higher.
“Rise, rise, seize the day, and aim for the sky”
This would flip the AABB rhythmic to an ABAA, to say it is a mess would be accurate when compared to the remaining untouched lines.
While capping off this breakdown, I could go on for each line, I will rebase to my opening motif. The machine, again is just an assimilator of pre-existing techniques,

Moonshine mind?

Repeating this exercise with “See That Moon…”.

Behold the moon that’s to be in your hands,
A moon I hold, a repository of the forgotten.
It holds my past too, can you understand?

Would you like to hold it too, this celestial band?
Together, we can bear its weight, never rotten.
Behold the moon that’s to be in your hands.

The moon we share is heavy, like shifting sands,
Please take it forward, let not its memory be downtrodden.
It holds my past too, can you understand?

I see you now, the moon in your hands,
May it journey with you, its history begotten.
Behold the moon that’s to be in your hands.

You hold a moon, delicate and old, spanning lands,
Older than me, than you, its age cotton.
It holds my past too, can you understand?

It’s behind you now, dragged along in strands,
A legacy to keep and pass on, its path redrawn.
I held a moon, and gladly see you hold it too,
Behold the moon that’s to be in your hands,
It holds my past too, can you understand?


Scanning the lines, I notice quite the image comes up regarding a wrapping of familiar words and structures. We see the usage of hands and understand quite often. Looking back to the original, the order “understands” is never used, I wouldn’t use it in the original context because I wouldn’t need or want to pass the understanding down, but rather the responsibility itself to carry forward. This being said the hands-to-hands repeating elements are not exclusive to meaning a passing from one generation to the next, however, includes the passing of generation knowledge one after another in repetition, indicating that each line is also a generational passing. With the impact of knowledge passing, it can be identified why the term “understand” might have been selected with such great usage. It almost dumbs down the original work to reinforce a message rather than let a loose set of messages be identified naturally by the reader.

Final thoughts.

To repeat, there is often a mapping to the text itself, wrapping around a collection of meaningful words. This stronghold on a collection of words can be evidence enough that a work made by a generative pre-trained transformer is not of the fearful AI that we somehow expect in our future. But rather than the next step in information automation. I frequently have thought about the mindset of the public, often being overreactive and overestimating what can be produced in software, and what will be the next level of Information automation. I consider these text transformers, including the promote-based tools that come with many, to be elaborate automated information assemblers. This doesn’t mean I discount the efforts of the individuals behind the tools it’s still admirable, considering the results.
It should be noted that to the untrained eye, even the untrained mind, anyone that approaches these as anything other than a tool and pre-existing text assimilators, might find something to fear, however lame-minded, will become over-excited and over reactionary to what they see.
The current state of these text transformers, as calling them AI is far from what should be perceived, is very impressive but still has much room to grow. Given the state of affairs with the publication of text, and the loose nature of public publication, its easy to see where concerns come from work inspiration, but if you freely post your material online, what would have been a better outcome than an automated system identifying your material worth inspiration of?
The meta in this build up, can be viewed as the poems selves. We see the moon poem being akin to humanity, something that is passed on. The sun poem represents what is new, bright and aspiring; however the sun is hot and caution should be had with the new but not exempt from knowing.
I believe the right path is furthering the development of these tools and the tools that surround the development process. I’ll have to continue this writing in another post regarding more economic matters.

6 thoughts on “The Sun and Moon, a Poem comparison with AI.”

  1. First off I would like to say great blog! I had a quick question in which I’d like to ask if you don’t mind. I was interested to know how you center yourself and clear your head prior to writing. I have had a hard time clearing my thoughts in getting my thoughts out. I truly do take pleasure in writing but it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are generally lost simply just trying to figure out how to begin. Any suggestions or hints? Thanks!

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